he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
