do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
