youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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