Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
