Your dad touched me again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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