idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
