Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
