Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
