i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
how drunk are you?
Several
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
