I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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