like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
