Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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