is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
