what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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