you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
foreskin is a definite game changer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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