He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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