I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
