She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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