and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
