we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
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