oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
