tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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