after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
