I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
