She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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