Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
