No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
