So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
