i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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