Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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