we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
