saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
