My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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