he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is Oprah even human
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
