Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
