I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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