do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
