ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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