just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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