I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
