dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
