i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
