fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
