I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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