My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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