i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
