I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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