He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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