I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
