I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
