So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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