My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
